Im not, and Ill tell you why. I always let him think he wet the fucking bed. JOIN NOW Videos Ron White: If You Quit Listening, I'll Shut Up So Ive just driven from Dallas to Sacramento to make $400. Nobody gives a shit. But when somebody breaks into our house now, they discover that all of our things have been chewed up and pissed on. Thats all I know. Your email address will not be published. I wish you would have told us that up front. I was the feature act at the Punchline Comedy Club in Sacramento, California. Besides, if youre at that point in a make-out session, youre gonna do it anyway. Im a joke writer from America. I think, at 61 years old, my best fucking days are behind me, cause it wasnt that long ago that I could make my wife scream and now she makes any noise at all, its to go, Do you need to take a little break or? Starring: Ron White Watch all you want. Um, Im from a very, very small dusty town in northwest Texas, and I grew up in this little bitty house that was built by my father and my grandfather the year I was born, 1956. Thats an agility test, and Im not very goddamn agile, all right? Sure, Larry the Cable Guy is the definitive character act in the group headed by Jeff Foxworthy with Bill Engvall. Fuck Rudders, uh Bone Depot, Shaft Crafters. 6:01, gets there. '", Ana Navarro Jokes About Sara Haines' White House Correspondents' Dinner Antics on 'The View': "Maybe There Will Be a Restraining Order", Sunny Hostin Opens Up About Receiving Hurtful Emails on The View: Im Not Liked By Half The Country, Sunny Hostin Shades Meghan McCain for Scathing Column About 'The View': "Our Show Is a Wonderful Place". This one takes a bit to get going and funny, but once he starts, he keeps it going hard. And now when I approach a toilet, and the lid doesnt automatically open, I just piss all over the top of it. Build a net. One [giggling] ..fucking eyehole. I hope you guys enjoyed it. White, meanwhile, has survived both divorce and divorce lawyers, and has put a lot of thought into drunk-driving checkpoints, the handsomeness of Chris Hemsworth, and the radical terrorist Canadian geese.. For all New peeps to my channel, plz like and Subscribe and hit that Notification bell for Future Videos.Weekly. I have sleep apnea, which keeps my wife awake. Thats why. 7:31. After dedicating years of service at a matchmaking company, Arini tries to piece together her mysterious past and memories of a former client. We go back to OLearys Pub where this whole fucking thing started. And if youre looking for a bicycle, its a great deal. This is my new idea. And he had bunk beds in his room, and Joe Paines on the top bed, Danny Davis is on the lower bed, and Im on a sleeping bag on the floor, and I wet the fucking bed, and Im, like, mortified. You gotta kill the duck to get the duck meat. We would sit around, drink, and and talk about maybe one day, you know? Because they rarely fucking die. Ill tell you how the conversation ended, and then youll know how it went. Videos Ron White: If You Quit Listening, I'll Shut Up The one I saw was called, Its Just Lunch, and what they do is they just hook people up, and they have lunch, broad daylight, right in the middle of the day. Big old round uns, big old muumuu and 400-plus, great big old big uns. And word of that spreads throughout the criminal community. You got to quit eating them babies, maam. Im going to open a chain of restaurants that only sells baby goose pussy lip tacos. Ron White: If You Quit Listening, I'll Shut Up TV Special 2018 1h 3m IMDb RATING 6.6 /10 892 YOUR RATING Rate Play trailer 0:24 1 Video 2 Photos Comedy Ron "Tater Salad" White dishes out his signature brand of cynicism, riffing on sex, celebrity and the sinister habits of wild geese. Traditionally in American comedy clubs, theres three acts. And we decided on a date that we would do it, and we decided to do it from the Punchline here in Atlanta in front of a live crowd, and it was really fun. Moxy and her colorful friends leave Uglyville on a quest to find a kid to love. Theyre not natural. And nobody wants our shit anymore. 'Succession' Season 4 Finale Date: When Is the Last Episode? Its a nickel for a hundred of em. Cause were scared to fucking death of geese. After a weird couple of years, John Mulaney comes out swinging in his return to the stage. Bring it into the shop. Fully-functioning organs are not necessary to watch Ron Whites new special, If You Quit Listening Ill Shut Up. *****************************************************************************Donate belowYour contributions help support the channel!\u0026country.x=CA\u0026locale.x=******************************************************************************Needing Assistance to Create/Host your Website, check out blue host below: the Perfect freelance services for your business eg) logo design and branding, dropshipping, illustrations, clothing design, business cards, t-shirt design\u0026brand=fiverrcpaFor Fiverr Logo Design:\u0026brand=fiverrhybrid\ Fiverr Social Media Design:\u0026brand=fiverrhybrid\ Fiverr Animated intro Video:\u0026brand=fiverrhybrid\ I said, I ordered a movie, it said, Please enjoy your feature film, but nothing came on the TV. She goes, Ill send somebody over from Maintenance, Im like Knock on the door, its a chick from Maintenance. Whats the problem? I said, I ordered a movie, it said, Please enjoy your feature film, but nothing came on the TV. She goes, What did you order? Cast Away. In the wake of her prom scandal, Princess Margrethe longs for normalcy as she struggles to maintain her perfect facade while dealing with family drama. And I was about 12 years old and I had gone three months without wetting the bed. [cheering and applause] When Jeff got big enough to take somebody with him, he took me with him, which was an amazingly gracious thing for Jeff to do for me. Director Tom Forrest Writer Ron White Star Ron White [inaudible] I want to start off this evening by telling you something about me you may not know. JOIN NOW Videos Ron White: If You Quit Listening, I'll Shut Up In this hour, White regales his audience with anecdotes about a young fan approaching him at The Comedy Store in Los Angeles, about how he lost his virginity at 18 over and over again to prostitutes, his offbeat presidential ambitions, and even how he tried to overcome his anxiety with bedwetting as a child. Go see what it is. Wake up those fucking dogs you bought. What Time Does 'Yellowjackets' Season 2, Episode 6 Air On Showtime? Its baby duck pussy lip taco night, and get there early, because, uh, parking. Fuck no, you have not. Don't be afraid of the gay jokes, they lead to some funny moments and even funnier stories. After his miner grandfather's death, Pancho travels with his wife and kids to his hometown, where chaos ensues with his relatives over the inheritance. Theres nothing you can do about it. For Whites part, he revisits a story he once told on SiriusXM a few years ago during the Just For Laughs Comedy Festival, which is about the week he opened for another comedian at the Punchline in Sacramento. I mean, I wet the bed all the fucking time and I just hated myself for it. Youre just fucking just Some red lipstick on that nose, this would be hot as fuck. Im not gay. I dont care one way or another. Dont you fucking do it. And he fucking did it! Get some Brylcreem and some dippity-do and a hair dryer. Im not gonna do it. Ron White: If You Quit Listening, I'll Shut Up 2018 | Maturity rating: 12 | 1h 3m | Stand-up Comedy Ron "Tater Salad" White dishes out his signature brand of cynicism, riffing on sex, celebrity and the sinister habits of wild geese. Call 9-1-1 or something. Ron White..Spa Day..If You Quit Listening, I'll Shut up..Reaction! But she was well within my budget. Dont worry about them. Just lunch. What?. The newest one thats not very new, but its the newest one. Back then, having their names on Vegas marquees was living the dream. Im not doing that either. And I wear wild socks, and So Im having breakfast in this restaurant across the street from the hotel Im staying in, by myself, and I finish with my meal, I realize I dont have any money. He goes, I want you to stand on one foot, raise the other foot No, bullshit. I appreciate that, and Im sorry you lost your dad. He goes, I was in love with you and Id see you on television, Id pretend you were my husband and wed go out to eat, and things like that. I went, Well, thats nice of you to say, I appreciate it, very nice to meet you. He goes, I had a picture of you I used to masturbate to. Which one? Young Queen Charlotte's marriage to King George of England sparks an epic love story and transforms high society in this "Bridgerton" universe prequel. A goose is the only animal on the planet could take a jetliner out of the fucking sky and make it land on the Hudson River. Get too fat at the Golden Corral, go to the Dress Barn. Thats insensitive right there. that does it for me tonight, thanks for spending part of your saturday with us. 20,592, This story has been shared 13,103 times. It follows Bert Kreischer as he spills on bodily emissions, being bullied by his kids and the end to his familys escape room outing. The same week we were at the MGM Grand, they were at Caesars Palace, and that same weekend, Larry The Cable Guy was at the International House of Pancakes in Tucson, Arizona. Im like, Oh! And so, White closes by turning back time to talk about a weekend in December 1996, when White opened for Foxworthy in Las Vegas at the MGM Grand, while Engvall opened for Reba McEntire down the strip at Caesars Palace. And I was like, Goddamn, Ray! He said, Well, shes had three kids. Im like, What, for lunch? and the Stream It Or Skip It: 'Tom Jones' On PBS, A Romance-Focused Adaptation Of Henry Fielding's Novel, Stream It or Skip It: 'Spring Breakthrough' on Hallmark Movies & Mysteries Proves We Need More Keesha Sharp, Stream It or Skip It: 'Hearts in the Game' on Hallmark Just Might Be the Network's Movie of the Year. Ladies, if you dont like the way the cooch is looking, before you go do something that extreme, try this. Im not busting on women from the Middle East. We keep hearing more comedians tell stories about the comedy business. Or didnt use to, anyhow. Youd think you can tell a mans mouth from a womans mouth, but you cannot. My doctor the other day said, Ron, you cannot gain any more weight, and I said, Thats what I thought. My wifes on my ass about me taking better care of myself. No, this has to fucking happen. 5,838, This story has been shared 5,093 times. Now she was beautiful, beautiful. I really do. Terms and Policies So Im all set up. You fucking idiot. Watch trailers & learn more. Its still the number one-selling comedy album of all time, and, uh Jeff had been my friend for ten years, and suddenly, kaboom, hes the biggest comedian in the world. Ron White: If You Quit Listening, I'll Shut Up 2018| Maturity Rating:TV-MA | 1h 3m| Comedies Ron "Tater Salad" White dishes out his signature brand of cynicism, riffing on sex, celebrity and the sinister habits of wild geese. Reunited as adults, two childhood friends fall madly in love and won't let anything not even death tear them apart, in this supernatural love story. Nonbinary 'Yellowjackets' Star Liv Hewson Is Sitting out of Emmy Season Over Gendered Categories, 'Yellowjackets' Season 2 Episode 5 Recap: Digging the Antler Queen, Drew Barrymore Admits She's "Not Sure" She's "Drawn to the Manscaper" on 'The Drew Barrymore Show': "I Love Funk", Drew Barrymore Opens up About Up Close and Personal Interview Style: "I Feel This Magnetic Pull", Why Isn't 'The Drew Barrymore Show' on Today? Ron White: If You Quit Listening, I'll Shut Up 2018 Directed by Tom Forrest Synopsis Ron "Tater Salad" White dishes out his signature brand of cynicism, riffing on sex, celebrity and the sinister habits of wild geese. Get married, dont get married. And the punchline of that story is, I come back to the States, when I get back to the States, my assistant goes, Ron, did you hear that John Mayhew died? And Im like, John Mayhew Why do I know that name? Its your ex-wifes divorce lawyer. [laughing quietly] Oh, I hated that motherfucker. Im all over it, dude. Thanks for playing our game. The image is an example of a ticket confirmation email that AMC sent you when you purchased your ticket. My platform was a little different than our presidents platform. In a dystopian future devastated by air pollution, the survival of humanity depends on the Black Knights and theyre far from your average deliverymen. Theyre going to fucking know. I dont know what Im supposed to tell my fucking relatives. While I was in Canada shooting a fucking pilot! In the wake of her prom scandal, Princess Margrethe longs for normalcy as she struggles to maintain her perfect facade while dealing with family drama. Trying to make this funny, sell some comedy tickets in a land where you dont play my shit. A young man's trip to attend a funeral and a wedding on the same day leads to a journey of self-discovery when he's captivated by a chance encounter. But they keep hounding me till I say, Yeah, fuck it, lets go. But I didnt want her to go. It was a story about a town in the Middle East where, by law by law, the women who live in this town have to wear burkas with one eyehole. Members can watch as much as they want, anytime, anywhere, on any internet-connected screen. I got attacked by a goose when I was a kid. I dont need this shit. Theyre gonna know Im a fucking bed-wetter. Theyre watchdogs. Hes the drunk uncle of the group. Your Ticket Confirmation # is located under the header in your email that reads "Your Ticket Reservation Details". It's Me, Margaret. By continuing, you agree to the Privacy Policy and And I know that a gold star lesbian is a woman whos never had any dick not once ever in her life, and Ive never had any dick not once ever in my life. I got like 20 tweets from one guy, going, My wifes pussy was burning like No, you didnt. Golden Corral? I was in Melbourne, Florida, one time and I was driving a rental car, and I was by myself, and Id had two drinks. Downloads only available on ad-free plans. I fucking hate geese. Well, which one is it? You ever notice nobody ever dies when you wish they would? Ron "Tater Salad" White dishes out his signature brand of cynicism, riffing on sex, celebrity and the sinister habits of wild geese. And Danny wakes up and he goes, I had a dream. She was beautiful. Fuck, dude. JOIN NOW Videos Ron White: If You Quit Listening, I'll Shut Up Cause I dont have the answer to a lot of lifes questions. The shit that should have never got said got said, it just spun into this big shit storm of fuck. I go back up to the room and shes passed out, in this negligee, and shes fucking gorgeous. ", Stream It Or Skip It: 'Moonage Daydream' on HBO Max, a David Bowie Biography That's More Sensual Experience than Documentary, Personality Crisis: One Night Only Finds Punk Pioneer David Johansen Recounting His Many Lives, Stream It Or Skip It: 'The Legacy of J Dilla' on FX/Hulu, Exploring The Life, Beats, And Career Of The Late Hip-Hop Hero, Stream It Or Skip It: Little Richard: I Am Everything on VOD, A Biodoc As Vibrant As Its Subject, The Peter Pan & Wendy Sea Shanty Is An Ear Worm That Will Haunt Your Dreams, Stream It Or Skip It: 'Peter Pan and Wendy' on Disney+, Director David Lowery's Lightly Visionary Disney Rehash, Where Was Peter Pan and Wendy Filmed? All rights reserved. Thats all. Downloads only available on ad-free plans. He wants to build a wall between the US and Mexico to keep out immigrants, and I wanted to build a net between the US and Canada to keep those fucking geese out of here. But for our purposes, as well as the inner workings of how show business actually still works or doesnt pay off for most comedians, the most telling part comes when White talks money. Just getting her done, and He wasnt there, but the three of us were. So I dont have go out and party money. [high-pitched] Thats all. I was 12. More for how they dont have to deal with marriage. Now, when I have seven eighths of a gram of marijuana, I consider myself to be out of marijuana. And I know some guys that have had one homosexual experience or two or 10,000, doesnt make a fuck bit of difference to me. I got 17 friends behind me. Is she there? Profane. Eat this baby goose pussy lip taco., Back in 1996, my dear friend Jeff Foxworthy became the biggest comedian that ever lived. Its got three comedy clubs and Id just done a 15-minute set in the OR, which is the original room, but they call it the OR. Leaves me shudder-crying. Im there for eight months. And, uh this is a story my mother told me I should do on stage. I think if it didnt keep my wife awake, I wouldnt know I had it. [bleating] I cant wait till they go hog-wild and just put a sugar lick right there in the middle of the fucking room. Theyre doing whatever the fuck they want to do whenever the fuck they want to do it. No other fucking animal does this. There are no featured reviews for Ron White: If You Quit Listening, I'll Shut Up because the movie has not released yet (). Were just gonna have lunch. Thank you very much. Unless one of them wet the bed. And as a 12-year-old, I make a conscious decision to piss on my friend to make me look better. Link to Are You There God? Geese arent natural. I wake up the next morning with this shit hangover, and shes already making coffee, and I wake up and she goes, Whats wrong with your hand? My hand is dark orange. Viagra. Montreals a gorgeous city, and the festivals are done in 20 venues all over the town, beautiful thing. 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Starring: Ron White Watch all you want. Im going to do it, cause Im surprised they know it, but I support the Montreal Comedy Festival, and if you ever have a chance to go to Montreal in the summer to go to the festival, its the coolest fucking thing there is. We walk up to this booth that only sells dildos. A military-trained assassin comes out of hiding to protect the daughter she's never met from ruthless criminals gunning for revenge. the Terms and Policies, and to receive email from Rotten Tomatoes. You went to one of my shows, you She let you! We wont be able to verify your ticket today, but its great to know for the future. Remove Ads Cast Crew Details Genres Cast Ron White 63 mins More at IMDb TMDb Sign in to log, rate or review Share Ratings 1 fan 3.3 You think you know tender but you really dont. So if youre ever in Beverly Hills on Sunday night, go to the Four Seasons. Great big old, big old, big uns. Im like, No! Somebody was peeing on me! Two brothers trying to make it as dancers open their own club, but their artistic drive soon clashes with the business, threatening their relationship. Since the Blue Collar Comedy Tour first started in 2000, Texas native Ron White has always stood apart from the other three stand-up comedians as the odd man in. The money sadly aint much better for aspiring stand-ups in 2018 than it was some two or three decades earlier for White. He also tweets@thecomicscomicand podcasts half-hour episodes with comedians revealing origin stories:The Comics Comic Presents Last Things First. Ron "Tater Salad" White dishes out his signature brand of cynicism, riffing on sex, celebrity and the sinister habits of wild geese. This goose comes out of this pond like a fucking killing machine. My cousin Ray, who Ive talked about on stage before, hes a real guy, he only eats at the Golden Corral because my cousin Ray only dates huge women. Ron Tater Salad White dishes out his signature brand of cynicism, riffing on sex, celebrity and the sinister habits of wild geese. Cats die when they touch the road. I know it smells like piss. Recorded at The Paramount Theater in Denver, CO, stand-up comedienne Kathleen Madigan explores topics including aging parents, interactions with millennials, and hunting bigfoot. Ill get some money. Looks like hes trying to get the taste out of his mouth. Another service they offer at this spa is a thing called vaginal rejuvenation. Tasted strong. In fact, if shes too clean, I salt her. Like, What? She was trash drunk on red wine. I told him, Dont you goddamn do it. Jeff? Whats the record? [whispering] Charming. Im not, and Ill tell you why, because if that piece of shits calibrated wrong, I could be convicted of something I didnt even do. He goes, Then I need you to do a field sobriety test. Im like, Just tell me what to do.. Theres an opening act that makes between 100 and 200 a week for nine shows, the feature act, which is what I was, makes between 400 and 500 bucks a week for nine shows, and a headliner who can make absolutely anything depending on who they are. Hes still having too much fun. Well, Ive been here, but Ive never been here, and if I only Dead. Thats all a cat has to do, is just, Pow! Theres so many dead cats on my street, it looks carpeted. Even when he forgets a line he's funny, he's never panicking, on the contrary he'll make it even funnier. Lukas Matsson's Tweet Explained. By opting to have your ticket verified for this movie, you are allowing us to check the email address associated with your Rotten Tomatoes account against an email address associated with a Fandango ticket purchase for the same movie. In a dystopian future devastated by air pollution, the survival of humanity depends on the Black Knights and theyre far from your average deliverymen. And we go out that night, it was one of the funnest nights of my life, uh We had been friends for ten years, so we were young comics together, and thats whatwe used to talk about as young comics. Ron White-Radical Terrorist Canadian Geese Reaction: If You Quit Listening, I'll Shut Up 17,559 views Oct 4, 2020 138 Dislike Bad Badger 902 subscribers Mom reacts to the radical. Copyright Fandango. They are. Coming Soon, Regal And traditionally during the week, these three comics would go to the mall and those two comics would watch that comic spend money. Thats the worst thing you can be as a little kid is a fucking bed-wetter. Your AMC Ticket Confirmation# can be found in your order confirmation email. Is 'Are You There God? Now, I dont know whats wrong with your vagina that makes you think it needs to be rejuvenated. And if youd like to buy the bicycle, just go to my house in Beverly Hills, and its 400 yards from there. Hes lucky I dont know where hes buried. Cause were looking for a gag gift, and if that doesnt gag her, I dont know what were going to use, cause its gotta be something big, you tell me. And it turns out, theyve been snipping the pussy lips off of baby ducks in Saudi Arabia for 1,500 years and just throwing them in a river, and the cook from the Four Seasons went there and saw this amazing waste of baby duck pussy lips, and just started thinking, you know, Fuck Tacos! PETA hates it. Did you hear that? Did you just wake me up to ask me if I heard something? White I was always going to tell you if I ever met you that when my father was alive, you were his favorite comedian by far. I said, Thank you very much for telling me that, man. In the wake of her prom scandal, Princess Margrethe longs for normalcy as she struggles to maintain her perfect facade while dealing with family drama. I could not possibly care any less. I was leaving a party the other night, and this buddy of mine goes, Hey, Ron, can you drive? I was like, I can drive I cant get pulled over.. Cheers, this is just special, right here. Sorry. Sign in to rate and Watchlist for personalized recommendations. Fuck, I dont know. It's Me, Margaret' Streaming on HBO Max or Netflix? Get a dress the size of a fucking barn and come on back to the Golden Corral. [mooing] They call it Golden Corral, of course, because somebody was already using the name Ye Olde Fat Fuckery. Ron Tater Salad White dishes out his signature brand of cynicism, riffing on sex, celebrity and the sinister habits of wild geese. Yo, bitch, what the fuck you going to do about it? Lock those beady eyes on you. I guarantee you, when I leave the house, my wifes not dragging out a headshot, rubbing one off You look more like Steve Bannon every day. Radical terrorist Canadian geese! They just like to watch. Were just gonna have lunch. Ill show you dick.. Im like, What do I even do? Its very short. Do I leave? And undeniably funny. And as you approach these toilets, the lid of the toilet automatically opens. But it sure helps to have a headliner believe in you like Foxworthy believed in White.
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